What separates transactional networking from genuine relationship building? According to decades of psychological research, the answer often comes down to three words: give value first.
The Science of Reciprocity
Dr. Robert Cialdini, Regents' Professor of Psychology and Marketing at Arizona State University, has spent his career studying what makes people say "yes." Among his six principles of influence, reciprocity stands as one of the most powerful and universal.
"The tendency among humans is that we want to give back to those who have given to us," Cialdini explains. This reciprocity principle is "universal throughout all of the cultures of the world."
The implications for networking are profound: if you want to receive value from your professional relationships, start by giving value first.
The Research Evidence
Research has produced striking demonstrations of reciprocity in action:
The Restaurant Study: In a study published in the Journal of Applied Social Psychology, researchers found that giving diners a single mint at the end of their meal increased tips by approximately 3%. When the gift was doubled to two mints, tips didn't just double—they quadrupled to a 14% increase. Most remarkably, when a waiter left one mint, then returned to spontaneously offer a second, tips increased by 23% (Strohmetz et al., 2002).
The Coke Study: In a classic experiment described in Cialdini's Influence: Science and Practice, a researcher offered participants an unexpected Coca-Cola during a break—a small, thoughtful gesture. Later, when asked to purchase raffle tickets worth $5, participants who had received the 50-cent Coke were significantly more likely to comply than the control group (Cialdini, 2009).
The Disproportionality Effect
Perhaps the most important finding for networkers: reciprocal favors don't need to be equivalent. A small gesture can generate a much larger return favor.
The underlying principle is that giving first triggers a psychological need to reciprocate—and this drive operates independently of the original gift's size. A thoughtful five-minute favor might generate willingness to provide a much more substantial return.
What "Giving First" Looks Like in Practice
The give-first philosophy isn't about keeping score or expecting returns. It's about approaching professional relationships with a genuine desire to be helpful:
Share Relevant Information: See an article relevant to a connection's work or interests? Forward it with a brief note.
Make Introductions: When you know two people who could benefit from knowing each other, make the connection.
Offer Your Expertise: If you can solve a quick problem or answer a question in your area of expertise, do so freely.
Provide Social Support: Congratulate achievements, comment thoughtfully on posts, and celebrate others' wins publicly.
Remember Personal Details: Asking about someone's vacation they mentioned, their child's college search, or a project they were stressed about shows you paid attention.
Building a Giving Habit
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Set a "Value Quota": Commit to providing a specific amount of value each week—perhaps three introductions, five article shares, or ten meaningful comments.
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Batch Your Giving: Dedicate a specific time block to relationship maintenance.
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Create Triggers: When you read an interesting article, immediately think: "Who in my network would benefit from this?"
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Track Your Giving: Not to keep score, but to ensure consistency across your network.
Your Action Step
This week, identify five people in your network and find a way to provide unsolicited value to each. Share an article. Make an introduction. Offer expertise. Celebrate an achievement. Give first, with no expectation of return.
This article was created with AI assistance and reviewed by our editorial team before publication. Cover image generated with AI.
